A Look At A Life
by allessandramari
Summary: #12 in my post series world. This is a story about Liz, the effect her death has on the people who knew her, loved her, tried to love her or wanted her love. As with all my stories L/L and R/J. Rated M for adult content, including sex.
1. Chapter 1-Thursday Night-Luke

A/N- This is the story which broke my writers block this summer. And the story which forced me to create Tarred and Feathered because I needed something light to write while working on this one. The chapters in this story vary in length, but most are fairly short. Sorry. And like Tarred and Feathered, I'm having a hard time picking the main characters. It's whole town, and like all my stories L/L, R/J

And if you haven't read my other stories, stop reading! Go to How Did I Get Here. If I could turn them into one long story without losing the few reviews I have, I would…

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter One:

The new ringtone startled Luke into an uncontrolled roll off the bed as he rushed to grab the offending piece of equipment. Lorelai slumbered on, and Luke took in her peaceful expression, feeling love and exasperation as he answered, cutting the second round of _Na-na na-na na-na na-na Batman_ off mid _na_. Listening, he confirmed he'd heard, pressed the button to end the call, and sank down into the chair next to the bed. He stared at Lorelai.

He contemplated.

He digested the information he'd been given at eleven-thirty pm.

Two hours before, while he and his wife were engaged in incredible sex, his only sister had been dying. By herself. Without her family there to say goodbye.

While he'd been tracing designs on Lorelai's perfect, soft, smooth skin with his mouth, his sister had been dying from the patterns traced on her skin by the flames of the fire she'd been caught in.

While Lorelai screamed out her pleasure, his sister had been screaming in pain.

Dropping his head into his hands, Luke listened to the roar build inside, a freight train, racing across his brain, trying to escape out his mouth. Clamping his lips shut, he squeezed, his fingertips clenching his scalp, knuckles turning white. The bile rose in his throat, surprising him, as he vomited on the floor at his feet. Lurching, he stood, grasping the chair for support, as he dropped the phone.

"Luke? What is it? What's happened?" Lorelai spoke in a whisper. Raising his head, he met her blue eyes, wide with fear.

"I dropped the phone. In my vomit," he replied, guttural. A look of disgust flew across Lorelai's face before being replaced with concern. Luke used his toe to slide his phone out of the muck, to a drier patch of carpet. It didn't look too bad, might not even be ruined, he thought.

"Why?" Lorelai startled him with her question. He quit toeing the phone around to answer her.

"It's Liz. She's in Colorado. Dead. While we were…my sister was," Luke stopped, frozen, before running into the bathroom. The sounds of retching pulled Lorelai out of the bed. Throwing on Luke's dirty flannel, she followed him into the bathroom and crouched behind him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, pressing herself against his shuddering back, she waited.

"She burned to death, Lorelai. She was living with some guy in Colorado, and their trailer caught fire. The policeman said she tried get out a window, but she was too badly burnt. She didn't make it," tears ran down his face as he spoke. Lorelai held him tighter.

"Where, where is Doula?" she said, feeling sick herself.

"I don't know. The police said they called T.J., and he told them to call me. That, he didn't have the money to pay for the funeral of a woman who'd leave her child and husband. So I think Doula's safe, or she's with T.J. at least. I need to call T.J. to make sure, and Jess. We have to tell Jess," Luke said, worried. Jess had been moody of late. His fictionalization of his own past wasn't easy on him, and he hadn't been able to write anything new. Rory said he was blocked, and editing wasn't helping.

"Okay, you call T.J., make sure Doula is okay. I'll clean up in the bedroom, and call Rory. I'll have her and Jess come here," Lorelai replied. "I don't want to leave Garret in the middle of the night." Luke nodded, and stood to go see if his phone was salvageable.

A/N- As always, please review.


	2. Chapter 2-Friday 2:00 AM- Family

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Two:

"Do you have more information?" Rory asked, as she let the silent tears run down her cheeks. Not crying for Liz, she didn't know her well, and what she did know, she hadn't liked. Crying for Jess. Jess who would never have the chance now to find peace with his mother. To change their relationship, to get beyond their past. To get beyond making an effort for Doula's sake. Jess who wasn't moving. He was staring at a spot somewhere above Luke's head, eyes narrowed, as he absorbed Luke's words. The slightest tightening of the fingers entwined with hers, let Rory know Jess was paying attention. Luke sighed and fiddled with the hem of his tee-shirt before answering.

"T.J. said Liz met a minstrel and followed him out to Colorado. Apparently there's some sort of permanent, summer long festival every weekend in Larkspur," Luke replied, staring at his feet. His head snapped up at Jess's dry chuckle. The look on Jess's face indicated he was not amused. Shooting a confused glance at Rory, Luke continued. "T.J. said the last time he talked to Liz, she sounded different, too excited, talked a mile a minute. He tried to convince her to come home. She didn't want him to come get her, said she was making plenty of money, and just screamed at him to bring her Doula. Which he didn't do, Thank God. Doula and T.J. have been staying with his parents in Maine. I thought, I thought I'd arrange to have Liz sent here. Bury her in Stars Hollow. But I have to go there. The investigator wants to talk to me. To us. Jess? Can you be ready to leave tomorrow morning?" Luke asked. Jess lowered his eyes to meet Luke's, making Luke cringe. Jess's eyes were cold. Glassy.

"I don't need to go. I already know what they're going to tell you," Jess replied. Rory squeezed his hand, hard, drawing his attention.

"What are they going to tell us, Jess?" she asked, loosening her grip. Jess looked at her, following the tear tracks on her cheeks, before refocusing his attention on the spot above Luke's head.

"They are going to tell you Liz and her new boyfriend were dealing. They are going to tell you the fire was caused by an explosion. Probably in the kitchen or laundry room. My guess is, it'll be the laundry room, since we know the trailer had one. They are going to tell you these fires burn very hot, very fast, and are hard to put out. They are going to tell you Liz was cooking meth," Jess said, voice monotone. Lorelai gasped. Luke looked down at his feet, fiddling with his shirt again. Jess stood. "There's no reason for me to go. Don't bring her here. I won't set foot near her grave, and I'd like to be buried in the Stars Hollow cemetery because this is where Rory will want to be buried. This is my home now. It was never hers." Hand on the door handle, Jess turned back to see Garret standing in his doorway. He'd been listening. The two shared a long look before Jess nodded, acknowledging Garret's concern, and walked out of the house.

Garret knew what Jess was going through could easily have happened to him. Still might, if and when Alex was released from jail. Of course, now he'd read about his bio mom's death in the paper with the rest of the world. The thought bothered him for a moment, but he pushed it aside to think about later. Compartmentalizing- one bad thing at a time. He knew Luke wasn't going to understand, and he felt his vow to be Jess's brother, at the adoption ceremony, had never been more important.

"I can't just leave her there," Luke said, shaking his head. Lorelai nodded her agreement, holding tight to Luke's arm.

"Yeah, yeah you can. Don't bring her here. Don't do it to Jess. I wouldn't have wanted it either. I don't want that, if it happens," Garret said from his spot by his door. Lorelai's face grew pale at the thought, and Luke let out a loud rattling sigh. Rory cringed, she needed to wrap this up fast because it was early November, cold outside, and Jess hadn't taken his coat. It would be icy on the bridge, and she was worried about him, more worried about him than Luke. She decided to be blunt, there wasn't time for anything else, and a lot needed to be said. She hadn't missed Lorelai's look when Jess mentioned knowing the trailer had a laundry room. Liz had been so happy about having it. Showing off the cupboards and the counter for folding clothes.

"Luke, I know she's your sister, but if you bring her home, you're choosing her over Jess. Since he said not to, it'll be going against his wishes, and he's the one alive. She won't know. Besides, it's beautiful out there. It's more her personality than Stars Hollow. Think about it. She loved the crazy eclectic lifestyle. She loved natural things. She fit there."

"The hippy dippy new-age crap she was always spouting," Luke replied. Rory continued as if he hadn't spoken.

"Jess and I, we knew she was in Colorado. We visited her on our honeymoon trip at the end of summer. Stopped by and saw her at the festival, it was huge with jousting and everything. She loved it and was so proud of her jewelry stand there, of her life there. We didn't know you weren't aware, and well, Jess didn't want to talk about her after we left. She was happy there, but Jess was pissed at her. At her leaving Doula, and he knew. Somehow he knew she was going to start using. He predicted it. God, Luke. We think we know what his life was like, because we read his book. But we don't. Not really. That's what's missing from his story. She's missing. What she did and why. How she lived. He's dealt with his reactions, his life, but not with her or her life. Please, please don't bring her back here. She loved the Rockies. Went on and on about how close to life and creation she was there," Rory was pleading now, begging Luke to listen. Lorelai left Luke's side and pulled Rory into a hug, smoothing her hand in circles on her daughter's back. Garret put his hand on Luke's shoulder.

"Please Dad, please don't hurt Jess more. Don't bring her back here. What Jess has been through, it'd be a reminder to have her here. If you want, I'll go with you to Colorado," he added, although the idea made him sick to his stomach.

"No, Garret. Jess is going to need you here. I'll go with Luke. We'll find Liz a nice place with a view of the mountains," Lorelai replied.

"Yeah," Luke said a minute later, agreeing. "A view of the mountains."

"Maybe, someday when he's ready, Jess will go say goodbye," Lorelai added. Rory and Garret looked away as they thought the same thing.

_It wasn't going to happen._

**A/N- As always, please review. I seem to get lots of readers to my stories, but very few reviews, which makes me sad. The next few chapters take place in Stars Hollow, but I will be getting back to Luke.**


	3. Chapter 3-Family

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Three

Jess hadn't run.

He'd gone outside to get some fresh air, feeling as if he couldn't draw a breath under the weight of Luke's grief. He was sitting on the rough porch steps, fighting to pull the freezing air into his lungs, when Rory came out with his coat. Wrapping it around his shoulders, she sat behind him, bracketing his still form with her body. Holding his legs with her own, pressed against him, in a full body hug.

Leaning against her, Jess accepted the warmth and comfort she offered, and pulled her arms tighter across his stomach. He wasn't thinking about Liz, and her death. Or even Doula, he'd slammed the lid down on all those thoughts in the house. No, he was thinking about the expression on Garret's face. Rory's eyes held sadness, and maybe a touch of pity, and he knew she could understand what he was feeling if he explained it to her. Garret already knew. He didn't need to explain anything to Garret, because Garret carried the same weight. The same barrel of monkeys on his back.

"I need to talk to Garret. Let him know I'm okay, he's worried about me," Jess said, watching the warmth of his words create little clouds as he spoke.

"He's going to stay with us while Luke and mom go to Colorado. They're packing now. It's okay to be sad. You were right, but it doesn't mean you can't be sad," Rory replied, burying her face in his neck, squeezing him tighter when he didn't reply. When the door opened, neither moved.

"Oh, you're still here. Good. Although you're probably popsicles by now. I think we're going to get snow before Thanksgiving this year. Do you think there's snow in Denver? It doesn't matter, I guess. We were headed to your place with Garret. We booked flights out of New York this morning to Denver, so we need to be going," Lorelai said, as she bustled back and forth to the car with suitcases. "I talked to Sookie, she's got the Inn, and I left a message on the school's answering machine excusing Garret for tomorrow, or actually, today. I also let them know he'd be staying with you next week. I don't know how long we'll be gone for sure. Caesar and Lane may need help in the diner, I'll let you guys work it out." When Luke came out, Jess moved to meet him. He pulled him into an awkward hug, letting go swiftly.

"I'm sorry about your sister Luke, and about how I feel. I know what family means to you, and if you really need to bring her here, for you, you can," Jess said. Luke adjusted his baseball cap, and shook his head.

"No, you're right. This is my home and your home. It was never hers, she couldn't wait to leave here, and never really liked it when she came back," Luke said, knowing he had to be strong for Jess. Knowing, despite his actions, Jess was hurting, and if not having his mother buried here would make it easier, then that's what needed to happen. Luke needed, was driven, to protect Jess. He couldn't protect Liz anymore, but he could try to protect Garret, April, Rory and Jess.

Garret came outside with his backpack and Paul Anka on a leash. He waited while Lorelai pulled Rory into her arms, and then Jess, crushing them with her hugs and whispering into each of their ears. Grabbing Garret, she pulled him tight against her, and he breathed in the scent of coffee and a sweetness he couldn't identify. It was her unique combination of smells, and he loved it. To him, it meant home.

"Don't worry mom, I'm here for Jess, you just take care of dad," he whispered. Lorelai sniffed back her tears, hugged Garret tighter and replied.

"I will, and you let Rory and Jess take care of you too, okay? Do your homework, and maybe, I don't know, keep a sketch journal of what's happening here, so I know how it went when we come home," not wanting to leave him, she clung tight till Luke began pulling her away. While he hugged Garret goodbye, she ruffled Paul Anka's fur before climbing into the passenger seat. Standing on the porch, all four watched the taillights disappear into the dark.

Taking a hold of Paul Anka's leash, Rory led the way to their house, letting Jess and Garret fall behind. She knew Jess wanted to talk to him, and if anyone could understand, it'd be Garret. It was part of "working her magic" as her mom put it when she whispered into Rory's ear.

"_Jess's going to need you and Garret to get through this. And I think, I think Garret may- this is going to hit him eventually too. Do what you do best, kiddo, work your magic. Take care of my boys. I've got Luke."_

And with Jess and Garret, a quiet presence was the fairy dust and silence worked as the magic word. It would take time, but Jess would open up in increments, puzzle pieces for her to put together. Starting with him trying to ally Garret's worry. Leaving the door open for the as yet silent pair, she let Paul Anka run up to the guest room to hide, and started hot water for drinks. Sleep wasn't happening for a while, no matter what the time. Jess followed her into the kitchen, pulling out his and Garret's favorite caffeine free teas, and grabbing a pack of hot chocolate mix for her.

"Library?" Rory asked, and Jess nodded his agreement, carrying the tray of drinks while Rory grabbed the plate of blueberry scones Sookie had dropped off the afternoon before. Stifling an inappropriate laugh at the idea of what the Queen would think of a four a.m. tea-time, Rory followed.

Taking their favorite positions, Jess and Rory next to each other on the couch, and Garret in the glider rocker, they sipped their drinks, nibbled their scones and waited. Eventually, someone would speak. In the meantime, they were content in each other's company. No one even grabbed a book, each lost in their own thoughts, staring into their cups.

"I'm okay, you know. This wasn't unexpected. Part of me has been waiting for this news since I was old enough to know about death," Jess said into the silence. Rory was startled, and almost spilt her drink. She thought she'd break first. It said quite a bit about his concern, and the connection he felt with Garret, for him speak so soon. To open up, just to make their little brother feel better. She set her hot chocolate down and leaned against him, listening to the steady thump of his heart, curling her body into his, half on his lap. Aware this could be gut wrenching for her to hear.

"I was always waiting too. For the next overdose, or crazy druggie to go berserk," Garret said. "She was a dealer, so we always had guns and, well, there was always the chance of something bad. Alex didn't cook meth though, not in our apartment anyway. She had a friend who cooked meth in hotel rooms, because the risks were so high. Alex would leave, for a buy, or to use with her scarier friends, and I'd imagine the police coming to tell me."

"Or Social Services," Jess added. "It's imagining the worst, picturing it, so if it does happen, you're prepared for it, not taken by surprise. Bad things are easier to deal with then." Rory sat up.

"It isn't just you two, you know. I did this too. After my grandfather had his first scare, his angina attack, I played through all of my family possibly dying. What I would do, how I'd react. I mentioned it to Logan, after Grandpa had his heart attack. He told me not to be morbid, and said it was wishing someone dead. But it's not. It's preparing yourself. Paris said it's giving your brain pathways to deal with the bad things. We talked about it after Professor Asher's death, because he was older, she had done it too. I did it with you, both times you disappeared," Rory admitted, allowing Jess to take her into his arms. He pushed her back down against his chest, forcing her to cuddle up, his warm breath ruffling her hair. Rory met Garret's smirk with one of her own, Jess would never admit he needed the comfort Rory provided with her touch, but they recognized it.

"Maybe a certain type of person, or intellect, does it. Runs through the bad scenarios as a coping mechanism, I did it with you when you were overseas. How I'd deal with it while trying to be there for Luke, so he could be there for your mom. The point is- I'm good. No worries here. Let's finish our drinks, and sleep for a while. We all have tomorrow off now, we should do something with it," Jess said. Garret nodded, but he knew, it wasn't going to be so simple.

**A/N- Let me know what you think…. I love reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4- Friday 6:00 AM- Jess

**A/N- Fair warning… this chapter is sex. And not the tender, hopefully well written, and beautiful sex in Candlelight On Your Skin, which despite being my most read story, (averaging around 15 views a day -Dirty Dirty readers!) only has a few reviews. No, this chapter is sex of a different sort. I think it's in character though. **

**Review and tell me what you think, and next time you read COYS, review there too! I had to rework this chapter a bit because what I'd written was too close to imagery used in the exceptional Adverse Events by lost0and0found. (Used in a totally different way of course!) **

**Why did I feel it necessary to add this chapter? I felt Jess needed an "active" response to Liz's death, and I didn't really see him going for a run…**

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Four:

Rory wasn't surprised to wake without Jess. He often rose before her, going downstairs to write in the library or the office. She no longer felt a clench of fear at the empty bed. However, she was surprised to see him sitting on the floor against the bedroom wall.

"What are you doing over there?" she asked, her voice hesitant.

"Trying to keep myself from touching you, so you can sleep," Jess replied, his voice hoarse. He'd been fighting his need since they climbed into bed. Lying next to her had proven to be too much. He had eased out from under the covers and watched her by the early morning light seeping in around the blinds. Forcing himself to stay still, to not fuck her. Because what he was feeling right now wasn't about love, it was about want and need, and just the tiniest bit of anger. Not at her, of course, but at the world. Plus he knew his lust, besides being the desire he always carried for her, was heightened by the call for an affirmation of life. None of which equaled love, and taking her without it, waking her and initiating sex without her being fully aware of his motivations was wrong. Part of him knew, the love was there, always, but it didn't make it right. Clenching his fingers into fists at his sides, he watched Rory process his words, his demeanor, and the narrowing of her eyes, told him she understood.

Letting the blanket fall as she rose from the bed, Rory moved to stand in front of Jess. Her white tank, washed thin, and regulated to the pajama drawer, covered her breasts, but didn't conceal them. Differences in skin tones created a watercolor of her body in the morning light. The top skimmed the waist band of her white cotton briefs and the combination was a turn-on. Jess knew, with barely any moisture from his mouth, the thin material would be rendered transparent. His blood pulsed in response. Closing his eyes and drawing a harsh breath, he leaned his head against the wall, still clenching and unclenching his fingers, itching to feel her. She'd either approach or not, but it had to be her choice.

And Rory got it. She could tell by his posture, the way he held himself in check, how tight he was wound.

She understood touching him would unleash his control.

And she wanted it.

She wanted to be the fuel for the fire within him.

She wanted to be the cliff he crashed against in waves.

She wanted all of his need.

She had always wanted his need.

Reaching down, she slid her fingers into his hair, holding the back of his head as he surged off the floor, lifting her, rushing her on to the bed. Letting herself be carried backwards. His mouth eating at hers, one hand capturing her breast as the other ripped off her underwear. Relaxing into his kisses, Rory was swept up. There was no use fighting against the current, she let herself feel. Every touch, every nip, every scrape of his nails. The force of his fingers. His breath, hot and ragged through her tank top. His tongue filling her mouth as he pulled her deeper into his kiss. Grinding his lips against hers, searing across her neck. The sound the material made as he ripped her tank to bare her breasts to his touch. The hard thrust as he entered her. She clung, and held, tightening her grip, and during the moments she could draw enough breath, she chanted the words "love you" over and over.

Spent, Jess collapsed against Rory's body, subduing her building anticipation with his weight. Burying his face in her neck, he relished the feel of her arms squeezing him harder, closer. Shuddering as he fought the emotions overwhelming him. Knowing he hadn't brought her. Had used her. Too exhausted for more, he rolled them on their sides, tucking her into his body. Rory wiggled her arm out from underneath him, placed a kiss against his sternum, and whispered her love before falling back asleep. After smoothing her damp tendrils of hair away from her forehead, Jess placed a small kiss there, thanking her. Appreciating her gift. After promising himself he'd make it up to her, he closed his eyes, and drifted into a fitful sleep.

**A/N- Review! and a question- did the way it's formatted slow you down in the middle section, and then speed your reading during the sex? I wanted to add to the speed of the scene, the sex, did it work? Next chapter is back to Luke.**


	5. Chapter 5-Friday 1:00 PM- Luke

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Five- Friday 1:00 PM –Luke

Propping himself up against the wall, leaning over the filthy airplane toilet in the cramped bathroom, Luke was ill again. Gargling with the tepid tap water, he spit into the sink and watched the remnants of his breakfast swirl down the small drain. He knew he shouldn't have eaten, but Lorelai insisted he try, and every bite of the blueberry muffin stuck in his throat. He'd choked it down under her watchful eyes, and now he was paying the price. And the damn ding of the "fasten your seatbelt" sign, echoing in the tiny room, was akin to driving sharp knives into his head.

In a short while, they'd be landing, they'd rent a car, GPS the location of the police station, and find the closest hotel to it. Then they'd wait. They'd wait for the morning appointment and answers. Dabbing at his forehead with a wet paper towel, Luke knew it was the waiting he dreaded. Sliding the pocket door open, he stumbled back to his seat, next to a worried Lorelai. He ignored the glares of the flight attendants as he buckled his belt, tried to prepare for the landing, and everything after.

Arriving at the hotel, Luke headed into the bathroom to shower and Lorelai reached for the phone to call for room service. She knew Luke wouldn't eat, but felt they had to at least try. Realizing she hadn't turned on her own phone yet, she put the hotel phone down, sat on the edge of the bed, and dug her cell out of her purse. Seeing she'd missed Rory's text, she dialed, and bouncing her knee up and down, she waited.

"Hey sweets, how's my boys?"

"I'm not sure, on the surface, Garret and Jess are both okay. Jess insists he's fine, right now he's fixing the schedules to cover the diner. I convinced him to stay out of it as much as possible since we have Garret. I don't want him to throw himself into work," Rory replied, staring through the kitchen window, watching Garret play fetch with Paul Anka. It was obvious how old the hound was getting, as it ambled after the ball, slowly fetching and returning to Garret's side.

"Wouldn't work be good for him? Keep his mind off of Liz?" Lorelai began pacing around the hotel room.

"No, not this time. I want Jess to open up, to accept it, not hide from it."

"How are you going to manage that?" she said, ear to the bathroom door. Lorelai listened to the running water. Listening for pain below the surface.

"I'm going to make him uncomfortable, I guess. I'm not sure. I just know he isn't hiding yet, and I don't want him to start," Rory replied, hearing the front door open. Jess was back. "How's Luke doing?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Not good," Lorelai replied, "not good at all, and I'm not sure how to help him. He's always been so strong, and now-"

"Let him lean on you, mom, and if he won't, support him anyway," Rory said, as Jess came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I have to go. Luke's getting out of the shower. Tell Garret and Jess we love them," Lorelai added before hanging up and sitting back down on the bed to wait for Luke. She thought about what Rory had said, about making Jess uncomfortable. Luke was already uncomfortable, to the point of being sick. She needed to make him react to something besides his grief. He was a protector; maybe she could use his instincts. Deciding not to order room service, she dropped down on the bed, with her arms across her stomach. She directed her gaze at the ceiling when she heard the bathroom door open.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Luke shoved his dirty clothes into the duffel they'd brought with, and realizing he hadn't heard a sound, sought out Lorelai, who was motionless.

"Are you okay? Lorelai, what's wrong?" he asked, moving so he could see her face, glancing up at the ceiling, confused by the lack of anything there, he looked back down, and waited.

"I talked to Rory, they seem to be okay. Jess was arranging coverage at the diner," Lorelai replied, trying to keep her voice monotone.

"How long before food gets here?" Luke asked, trying to spark her interest. Room service always made her happy.

"I didn't order."

"What? Why not? I thought you were hungry, you're always hungry," Luke said, getting worried. "Are you getting sick?" he asked, putting his hand on her forehead. Lorelai fought back a smile. "You have to eat something. Where's the menu?" Luke said, moving to the desk and leafing through it. "I'm ordering soup for both of us, and a cheeseburger for you. I'll get myself a turkey sandwich. You have to eat Lorelai, I'm going to need you to be strong for me on this trip."

"I just don't feel up for much," Lorelai replied, voice quiet. Although inside her head, she was doing a touchdown dance.

Worried about his wife's unusual behavior, Luke ordered food, including pie and a bottle of wine for later, unpacked, and arranged the pillows behind Lorelai's back, helping her to sit up. Tipping the waiter, Luke sat next to Lorelai on the bed to eat. He had to cajole Lorelai into eating her soup, and noticed quickly, that she didn't reach for a bite until after he did. He led her through the meal, eating in drinking in tandem. As they finished their food in silence, Luke was at a loss. This whole trip Lorelai had been trying to be upbeat, supportive, now she was almost despondent. She'd even shaken her head no to the pie. Lorelai never refused pie.

Picking up their empty dishes and placing them in the hall, Luke sat on the bed and took her hands in his. "Lorelai, please talk to me. Are you worried about Jess and Garret?"

"I'm worried about all of you, Luke. I'm worried about Doula, about T.J. even. I'm definitely worried about Jess, but I know he'll be there for Garret, and Rory will be there for them. Mostly, right now, I'm worried about you."

"You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine. The last thing I want is you making yourself sick. Come here," he said, pulling Lorelai into his arms. "Kiss me, then let's sleep for a while. I'm exhausted. Later tonight we'll wake up, drink the wine I ordered, eat the pie, and watch a late night movie. I know you love those."

"Well, what's not to love? They're generally the worst movies ever made. I like your plan, especially if it involves kissing and napping. I'm exhausted too," Lorelai said, placing a gentle kiss on Luke's lips, keeping it light. Luke let Lorelai rearrange the pillows, and wrapped his arms around her as they fell asleep. He didn't notice her satisfied smile.

**A/N- I added times to the chapter headings because I'm going to be jumping around a bit… For instance, the next chapter will take place beginning before this one, but we're in Stars Hollow. And we're also to the point we're going to be hearing from other people about Liz in Stars Hollow. Review please, I love reviews!**


	6. Chapter 6- Friday 11:00 AM- Jess

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Six- Friday 11:00 AM –Jess

Rory stirred, stretching her muscles, enjoying the little aches.

"I'm sorry," Jess said. Turning to her side to face him, Rory smiled.

"Well, I do sort of feel like I've been rode hard and put away wet, but it isn't a bad feeling. I love you, Jess, and whatever you need, I'm here for. Plus, it was erotic to see you lose control, I enjoyed it."

"I should have made it last for you, I'm sorry. And have you been sneak watching old westerns again? Rode hard and put away wet… Jesus Rory, that's- horrible."

"And fitting as the case may be, although perhaps too descriptive, and oh my God, I just realized how dirty it is in this instance! How about, you cook breakfast, or lunch as it were, and you make it up to me tonight?" Rory replied with a kiss on his earlobe. "Besides, I'm hungry. Really hungry." Jess flipped her over onto her back, and gave her a gentle, sweet kiss, nuzzling his nose against hers.

"As you wish, anything your cast iron stomach wants," he said before climbing out of bed.

"Omelets. I want one of your everything in it omelets," Rory said, stretching again, as she watched her husband's naked body move toward the bathroom. Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through the texts to see if her mom had landed yet. Not seeing anything, she composed one of her own asking Lorelai to let her know when they'd arrived and to keep her informed. Tossing the phone to the side, she wrapped her arms around her knees, and thought about her husband. She was worried about his reaction to the townspeople, how he'd handle being the center of their attention again, the condolences. Picking her phone up again, she fired off a text to Miss Patty, letting her know what had happened and asking her to spread the word to give Jess some space. Keep things one on one as opposed to a big gathering of people. Besides, they might arrange some sort of get together when Luke returned. With the townspeople effectively sidelined, Rory gathered some clothes and decided she'd let Jess make it up to her right away, in the shower, instead of later. Besides, she wasn't fainting from hunger yet.

Sitting in the diner, Jess, Lane and Caesar worked out a schedule of sorts for the week. Despite not needing the extra income, since Zack's new band had hit it big, Lane could always be counted on to help at the diner when her boys were at school. She liked to keep busy and spend time with adults. So much of her time was devoted to her twins, and their friends, it was good to get out of the house, especially when Zack was on the road. With the new help Luke hired, it was only supervising the open and close anyway. With the schedule figured out, Caesar stood, straightened his apron, speckled with cheese sauce, and shuffled his feet. Tilting his head, Jess gave the older man an unspoken permission to speak.

Lane was surprised. It was obvious Caesar was going to offer his condolences, and even she'd been hesitant to say anything. The closed look on Jess's face, since arriving at the diner that afternoon, was enough to keep her quiet. Caesar was oblivious. Shrugging at Lane's stunned look, Jess figured he'd get it out of the way.

"Your mom, she liked my cold bananas. When she was in town, I always kept a few hidden in the refrigerator for her," Caesar said. "She was a nice, but weird lady. I'll miss hiding her bananas from Luke. I'll miss her chatter."

"Thank you, Caesar," Jess said. Standing, he gave Lane a wave, and with a nod at Caesar, left. Swinging in to Truncheon 2, he adjusted the coverage there to fit his schedule at the diner, and grabbed a new notebook. Sitting down in the gazebo, he chewed on the cap of his pen, opened the notebook, and looked at the blank page. Staring, he waited. Only one thing came to mind, and it didn't make much sense. He fought against it, tried to turn it into something else. Eventually, he gave in and put pen to paper.

_My mother liked cold bananas._

Lifting the pen from the paper, he looked at what he'd written for a long moment, and then he began to write.

_I didn't know my mother ate bananas. They weren't part of our diet when I was growing up. Fruit, in general, was not something we bought. It was too expensive. Sometimes, the corner grocer would take pity on us, the poor young mother and child, and would give us overripe fruit. Never bananas, which could be turned into breads. I remember this incredible smell coming from the corner market's bakery. It wasn't until I was a teenager, when my Uncle made banana bread for Thanksgiving, I realized what it was. The memories of starving, which I associated with the scent, were overpowering. I had to go into the storeroom, and collect myself before I could be around other people. Before I could face the townspeople who had lived charmed lives in Stars Hollow. No, fresh fruit and vegetables were a luxury Liz's rare paychecks didn't stretch to cover. Not like cigarettes, alcohol, and later, drugs._

_How did she get there? To her final resting place? How did she go from a child in the fairy tale land of Stars Hollow to a dead dealer? How did she pass in and out of those lives?_

_My mother liked bananas. Cold ones. I didn't know._

Looking up from his paper, Jess closed the cover and watched the town again. It was a little thing. A snippet, but he knew it had broken his block. He could see the sequel to _Cerulean Steel_ unfolding chapter by chapter in his head. Flipping his notebook open to a back page, he began to jot down the plot points as they came to him. Finished, he leaned back with a smirk. Huntzberger would be pleased. He'd wanted a sequel to film since the first movie hit the three hundred million mark in box office sales. Heading home, he watched Kirk walking back and forth in front of his and Rory's house. Sighing, he realized Kirk was going to offer his condolences.

"Hey Kirk, what can I help you with?" Jess asked, slapping his notebook against his leg, anxious to see Rory and Garret.

"I wanted you to know, I wanted you and Rory to know, I'm available to help you."

"That's nice, Kirk. I'm sure Rory will appreciate it."

"I didn't like your mother," Kirk said. "I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't like your mother." Jess looked at the odd man, in front of him, and realized what he was seeing. Guilt. Kirk was racked with guilt over his feelings, and Jess didn't know what to say. Why the hell was he being put into this position? Biting back the acidic retort on the tip of his tongue, Jess shrugged.

"I didn't like her much either, Kirk. So I can't help you with this."

"Okay then. If you need anything, let me know. Mother always said if I was stronger, I'd forgive, but I can't. So Lulu said helping you might help me," Kirk said. He was wringing his hands together, and switching his weight back and forth. His anxiety sidetracked Jess from his words for a second.

"Wait, why do you want to forgive Liz?" Jess asked. Kirk's body froze, and then regained its movement. He stammered, and a tear ran down his cheek.

"I know I'm different, but I try. I do try. I've always tried to do my best, to not be, as mother said, the village idiot," Kirk trailed off, too choked up to speak. Jess took him by his arm and led him up onto the front porch. Half the time he hated Kirk. The other half of the time, he felt sorry for him, and it was the pity which motivated him now. And curiosity. He wanted to know what Liz had done to Kirk.

"All right Kirk, sit down. Talk to me. What did my mother do to you?"

Looking up at Jess, who was leaning against a pillar, Kirk felt a moment of fear. He'd been scared of Jess for years, and he was used to the emotion. But his feelings had changed last winter, when he'd followed Jess around town, keeping an eye on him for Luke. He knew Jess was like Luke. A jawbreaker shell covering a marshmallow center. He tried to keep it in mind as he took in Jess's obvious irritation.

"Your mom, she was older than me, the same age as my brother Rick. They dated in junior high and I was little, really little, almost three, but I remember it like it was yesterday. My mom had taken the other kids out Christmas shopping. Rick was supposed to be babysitting me, but your mom came over. She didn't like me in the living room with them while they kissed on the couch, so she lured me outside with candy and tied me to a tree in the back yard," Kirk stopped speaking, and Jess could tell this Liz story wasn't going to end well. "There were so many of us kids, and because it was winter it got dark before mother came home. She didn't notice me, and Liz had stuffed a handkerchief into my mouth, so even my screams were muffled. Plus I was cold, I was so cold it hurt. Pins and needles, and then nothing, numbness. It wasn't until after bedtime, when my mother did her last lights out room check, she realized I wasn't in my bed. My brother remembered where I was, but by the time she had me untied, I was unconscious."

"Jesus, Kirk, I didn't think things like that happened in Stars Hollow. Did your brother get into trouble?" Jess already knew Liz wouldn't have. Who would have disciplined her? He wasn't sure how old Liz was when their mother died, but he knew Luke's dad had been sick too.

"Mother grounded him, and forbade him to see Liz again, but it only made Liz hate me more. Until the day she left the first time, she'd trip me so I'd land in dog poop, or push me into mud. Throw stuff at me. Make fun of me, encourage her friends to bully me. I tried to hide from her, to stay with adults as much as possible, to keep busy with jobs out of her way. But it didn't always work. When she came back to get married here, she smirked at me. In the diner. She sat on her stool, and smirked, trying to pass it off as a smile. She was still laughing at me, at what she'd done. I knew she might appear different, but she wasn't, not on the inside where it counted. Not like you. You don't look different, but you are. She made me feel small all the time, and she liked it."

Jess was floored. Not because of Kirk's story, but because of Kirk. This person in front of him was new. He wasn't weird, wacko, or saying inappropriate things. He was fairly clear, concise and intelligent sounding. Damn, Kirk had layers.

"I wish I could disagree Kirk, but I can't. I can see her taking joy in making you feel bad. Sometimes, she wasn't- nice. You're an odd duck, Kirk. But you're not the village idiot, and you have a good heart."

"Thank you Jess, for listening. If there's anything I can do to help you, let me know," Kirk said, standing and getting ready to leave, adjusting his jacket, and straightening his hair.

"I will," Jess said, holding out his hand to Kirk, and shaking it firmly. Kirk gave him a serious nod, and letting go of his hand, left Jess alone on the porch. Sitting in the rocker Kirk had vacated, Jess opened his notebook and began to write Kirk's story down. Trying to write it from the perspective of a terrified three year old. He could picture his mother as a young teen, bullying Kirk. When he finished, he headed inside, finding Rory in the kitchen talking on the phone to her mom. Wrapping his arms around her, he hugged her close, trying to wipe away the sadness Kirk left him with.

"Kirk has depths," Jess whispered into Rory's ear after she hung up the phone. Pulling out of his arms, Rory looked into his brown eyes. Today, with the sun shining in the kitchen windows, she could see the green undertones. Sometimes his eyes were a dark brown, sometimes they were the brown of a sun dappled forest. Lost in the colors, the depth, Rory was surprised by Jess's kiss. Chuckling as he pulled away, Jess dropped his forehead onto hers. "Keep thinking what you're thinking, but right now, we should do something, anything which gets us out of the house and out into the sun," Jess said.

"I have an idea, but I don't know if you'll go for it," Rory replied, moving to the other side of the table and leaning against the counter. Jess raised his eyebrows at her actions. He knew she was about to suggest something she wanted to do, but had already decided he wouldn't like. Sometimes in moments like this, he chose to surprise her and go along with her crazy plans. Today, he wasn't sure if he could, if he was up to it, but he owed her for this morning.

"I won't know till you tell me. Is it something Garret will enjoy?"

"I think he'll enjoy it. Maybe. It'll be different anyway. An experience for him," Rory replied, tilting her head, widening her eyes and getting ready to pout if needed.

"What is it?" Jess asked again, not liking the fact she hadn't answered him. Narrowing his eyes at her, and leaning against the door jam.

"This afternoon is the Yale vs. Harvard football game, and Grandma and Grandpa invited us to the festivities. There will be good food and stuff. Plus it's almost worth it to see how funny Grandma and Grandpa are about the whole thing. They're tailgaters, Jess. R.V. tailgaters. I'll pout if I have to," Rory added. Closing his eyes against the picture of himself at an Ivy League football game, and at the possibility of the Gilmore pout being unleashed, Jess focused on the positives. People who didn't know Liz, family, sun, and hopefully good food. He had some conditions first.

"One- I will wear blue, but I am not wearing Yale attire. No sweatshirts, no logos, no funny hats. Two- you can't expect me to play nice for more than four hours. After that time period, I will smirk, and I will be sarcastic if I believe the occasion calls for it. Three- if at any time, Garret wants or needs to bail, we bail, and if he says no, we don't go," Jess said, crossing his arms across his chest.

**A/N- Next chapter- more Lorelai than Luke…**


	7. Chapter 7-Saturday, 3 AM- Lorelai

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Seven- Saturday 3:00 AM –Lorelai

Lorelai woke to Luke's entire body tensing next to her. Lying on his back, his fists were clenched at his sides, his legs out straight. Only his head was moving, thrashing from side to side. The nightmare had him in its throes. Lorelai sat up, and taking Luke's face between her hands, whispered against his mouth.

"Luke, please Luke, please wake up for me," she repeated over and over again. Her firm hold gentled his movement, as her voice soothed his pain. Relaxing his body, he came out of his dream to see Lorelai's blue eyes hovering above him, her wine laced breath warm against his lips. Leaning up, he captured her mouth with his, brushing across them. His fingers tangled in her hair as he pulled her in closer, deepening the kiss. Lorelai's soft moan focused Luke's attention as he rolled them over on the bed, forgetting for a time why they were in the hotel, why they were in Colorado.

Luke woke to the smell of coffee. Sitting up in bed, he looked over at his wife, curled up in the chair, cup in hand. She was beautiful in the morning light. Almost as beautiful as she'd been in the moonlight last night. She'd been responsive to his touch, so willing to go where he led, to help him forget his nightmare. He cast his memory back through the events of the night, and realized he had messed up. Messed up big time. Shit. He didn't want to scare her, but he needed to address the issue before she realized it herself.

"Lorelai, last night when you woke me…we didn't use a condom last night, and it's been less than a month since my vasectomy. Are you still on the pill?" Luke asked, but he could tell by how still she was the answer was no.

"Oh my God! How could you do this? How could we forget protection?" her voice was panicky. Luke jumped in before she escalated into a full out yell.

"I'm sorry. I should have remembered, I think I was partially asleep, a little drunk because of the wine. I just reacted, I wasn't thinking about anything but making love to you. I'm so sorry Lorelai, what are the chances-"

"Luke, let me think for a minute, okay? Just let me think." Lorelai wanted to run, she was desperate to run, hop in the car and drive for a while. Turn her music up really loud and sing along till the terror passed. Get her thoughts together on her own time, in her own terms, but she couldn't. She couldn't because Luke was sitting right there, waiting for her to think and discuss. To set his mind at ease. She wasn't sure she could do it this time, and so she said nothing. She was silent for several minutes, sitting frozen in the chair.

Luke ran his fingers through his hair, grabbed his t-shirt and boxers, dressed and then moved into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He was trying to remember the dates of her last period, but couldn't. Staring into the mirror, he wondered if it would really be so bad. Then he remembered how scared she was, how worried about her age she was, and he knew it could ruin everything. Moving back into the room, he sat on the edge of the bed and looked down into his hands.

"The timing isn't good, but it isn't horrible either. I mean, I'm a little over halfway through my cycle, so unless my body is wonky, we should be okay. Or we might not be, lately, I haven't been as regular. I don't know Luke, but I know we can't worry about this now. We have other things to deal with, and I'll either get my period in less than two weeks, or I won't. And if I don't, then, we'll deal. We'll find out about the tests, we'll get all the information, and we'll deal." Lorelai set her coffee cup down, unwound, and stood up, moving to stand between Luke's legs. He gripped her hips with his hands and looked up into her eyes. "I know you didn't do this on purpose, I know it isn't some fiendish plot to make me have a baby. I know you love our family and are content with it. I love you, I love our family and if we add to it, we add to it."

"Lorelai, you amaze me every day. I'm sorry I lost control, I quit thinking and just, well, you know. The last thing I want is to add more stress to your life."

"Well, at least we have Garret to babysit, if it happens. And it's a big if anyway. I ordered food; it should be here in a minute. I think we have time to eat, shower and then walk to the station. I don't want to deal with any of this right now. Can we not?" Lorelai said. Luke took in her expression, the shine in her eyes, and knew no matter how he felt, he'd do what he could to take her mind off of everything.

Luke was in the shower and Lorelai stared into the mirror. She didn't need to fake being upset now. No, this new development had Luke doing his best to take care of her, and Lorelai doing her best not to panic. She was terrified, and it wasn't the time for it. She needed to be strong for Luke as he dealt with his sister's death. Not make it all about herself with a pregnancy scare. Especially such a farfetched one. While Luke showered, she had done some research on her smart phone. There was a good chance they'd had sex enough times, since the vasectomy, there were no viable sperm left. Chances were good, based on her last period, she wouldn't get pregnant anyway. But she couldn't help thinking Murphy's Law was going to kick her in the ass, and she knew the fear showed in her eyes, and in the tightness around her mouth. Putting her eye makeup down, she decided to leave it off. At some point today, she'd end up in tears.

**A/N- Drop me a review!**


	8. Chapter 8- Friday 3:00 PM -Jess

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eight- Friday 3:00 PM- Jess

Jess had been on the Yale campus before, but only the one area, and only at night. This visit, with the game day party atmosphere, reminded him of the Hollow's festivals, only with more expensive color coded attire. Including cardigans Taylor might have killed for. Although Jess had promised Rory four hours, holding in his smirks and sarcasm was becoming difficult and his internal monologue reflected it. Rory though, Rory was in her element showing them her favorite study tree, the best coffee cart, and her dorms. It was fun to see her excited, her cheeks pink, the sparkle in her eye, and Jess allowed himself to fall under her spell. Watching the activity in the courtyard, he wrapped his arm around Rory's waist, pulling her against him as he dropped a kiss on her temple.

"Whoa! Is Grandpa Richard singing?" Garret asked. Rory laughed, resting her head on Jess's shoulder.

"Yup, it's called _Leavin' On A Jet Plane_. Your Grandfather is a Whiffenpoof," Rory replied, enjoying Jess and Garret's identical looks of surprise. Emily was laughing as she caught sight of the group and hurried over to meet them.

"They sound good don't they? Sometimes, there's too many lower registers who show up, today it's a fine mix, and your grandfather is in his element," she said, pulling Garret in close to squeeze his arms. Jess smirked, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He could tell Emily wanted a hug, but the Gilmores had never been touchy feely people to start with, and the arm grab was as close as she ever came to asking. And today? For some reason, the idea bothered Jess. Scowling, he shoved the thought away, and forced his mouth into as close to a smile as he could manage.

"Go ahead Emily, I think Garret could use a hug," Jess said. Garret gave Jess a confused look, but then nodded, and moved into his grandmother's arms, wrapping his arms around her waist. It took her a second to respond, but soon her arms tightened around him. Garret figured Jess was the one who needed the hug, but couldn't ask for himself. So he would hug, and Jess could enjoy it seeing it, but then something happened. Garret felt an overwhelming relief, a sense of home. He hadn't realized he was tense until he felt it slip away.

Letting Garret go, Emily squeezed his arms again, and donned a bright smile. The addition of Garret into their family had truly been a good thing.

"Thank you Garret, I know a young man your age isn't keen on hugging. Rory, did you show them around the campus?"

"Of course! I even showed them Handsome Dan One and Two, along with the current representative," Rory replied. Garret shuddered.

"I'm not fond of the stuffed dogs, but the live one let me scratch his ears," he said.

"Right there with you," Jess added. "I'm not sure I believe some of the anecdotes Rory told us either. Like being chosen because they hate the color red? Can dogs see red? Emily, Rory tells us you have food somewhere?"

"Of course! Let me signal Richard, and we can head to the R.V., our chef is putting out quite a spread for us today. I need to tell you both something, and I hope you don't leave after I do," Emily said, looking down at her fingernails, and twisting her ring. Rory and Jess exchanged worried looks.

"Maybe you should tell us, instead of keeping us in suspense," Rory said, as she tightened her grip on Jess's hand.

"Logan and his family are parked right next to us, and the cooks combined forces. It's turned into a large gathering. Quite an event. I didn't know when I invited you. He seemed to think it would be fine," Emily was afraid to look up, to see the expressions on their faces. She waited, expecting to see their feet turn away from her, to hear their footsteps walk away. She hadn't done it on purpose, but since her past behavior, with regards to ex-boyfriends, could be considered suspect, she didn't know if they'd believe her.

"Might be awkward," Rory said, unsure about what Jess was thinking. She wanted to be here, to share this with him and Garret, but she didn't want to add to his stress. Jess let out a dry chuckle. He could tell by Emily's demeanor she expected them to leave, for him or Rory to get angry.

"And about three other synonyms of the word. We can stay, if you're okay with it. They'll be other people there, possibly more of your college friends. I wouldn't mind talking to Logan anyway. It's time to renegotiate the contracts for the books he hasn't filmed yet, and I have something to bargain with now. I'd like to get his mind headed the direction I want, so when the guys meet, he's hungry."

"I want to stay," Garret added, he didn't know the entire history, but he could tell this wasn't "the old Emily" acting up, as his sister and mom put it. Emily looked relieved, and turned her attention to Rory for final approval.

"Okay, but Jess has already said he's only giving us four hours of politeness, and I've used one of them. So if it gets tense, or too much, we'll bail."

"I couldn't ask for more," Emily replied, lacing her arm through Jess's. "Kind Sir, would you be so bold as to escort me to the party?" Jess narrowed his eyes at her smile, but sighed, and responded.

"Of course. You do know I'm on to you, right? I promise, Emily, I don't plan on hitting anyone today. It really isn't necessary to hold my arm down."

"I'm not holding you back, Jess. I'm letting everyone know you have backup."

Jess chuckled at the idea of Emily being his support in some sort of barroom brawl, with her beauty shop styled hair and manicured nails. Then again, she was feisty, tough and had a mean streak.

Richard extracted himself from the singing, and chatted with Garret about Yale's history as they walked. Although quite a bit of it was information Rory had already shared, it didn't matter to Garret. He was happy to let his adopted Grandfather share his obvious love of the campus. And Richard was in his element as he stopped to introduce the group to old friends along the way. As they neared the R.V.s, Richard took Rory's arm, slowing her down.

"Did your Grandmother tell you? About Logan? Mitchum and Shira aren't there, thank God, but-"

"It's fine Grandpa, really. We can all play nice," Rory said. Richard raised his eyebrows at her, and glanced over at Jess and Emily.

"Really? Well, we can live in hope, I suppose," Richard said as their arrival caught the attention of the group. Jess scanned the crowd, and watched Logan slide his arm around his wife's waist. Figuring he might as well jump in with both feet, Jess led Emily straight to the couple.

"Logan, I believe you've met Rory's husband, Jess. They'll be joining us this afternoon," Emily said. Jess held in a smirk, and put out his hand for Logan to shake. Raising a well manicured eyebrow, Logan let go of his wife long enough to grip Jess's hand.

"Mariano, how's the writing going? Started a sequel to Cerulean Steel yet?"

"Logan, don't be rude. Introduce us before you begin badgering the poor man," Chloe said, a smile in her voice. Jess smirked at Logan, as Rory joined them.

"Jess, Rory, this is my wife Chloe and my daughter Maddie," Logan said, ruffling his daughter's hair. Rory smiled at Chloe.

"It's nice to actually meet you, I mean, when Logan isn't reading me the riot act. Your daughter's beautiful. And you're obviously going to add another family member. When are you due?"

"A couple days ago, so any day now, seriously. Any day. The sooner the better!" Chloe said, running her hand across her stomach. Rory laughed and turned to the men.

"Go talk business. Jess, you can answer Logan's question. Tell him about Cerulean Silk," Rory said. "We have to talk babies and children." Seeing Jess's wide eyes, Rory laughed. "Just research Jess, just research." Jess met Logan's knowing smile with one of his own.

"Cerulean Silk? Not a bad title, I can work with it. Let's go get drinks and talk," Logan said, leading Jess away from the table. He knew Chloe could handle Rory, and Maddie was there as a buffer. Plus, Logan didn't miss Jess's nod to Garret, directing him to Rory's side. The women were well chaperoned.

"Doesn't he want children? I'm sorry, it was inappropriate of me to ask," Chloe said, sitting down next to her daughter, and sipping on her lemonade. She was curious about Ace, but unsure if she wanted to be left alone with her. Rory smiled as Garret sat down next to her at the table, idly wondering if Jess had sent him over for her protection. It would be like him, and truthfully, as long as he kept it unobtrusive, she loved him for it.

"Oh he does, more than he even realizes, but he wants to wait a while. Travel together a bit first. I'd bet money though, if I did announce a pregnancy, he'd be ecstatic."

"That's the way it happened with Logan. We'd been together for a couple of months, then the condom broke, and I knew. I knew that night I was pregnant, the timing was horrible. But I didn't tell him. I said I thought we'd be okay. When he left for work, all the horrible fears, and the past, came up and bit me in the behind. I ran. I was terrified. Truthfully, and why I'm telling you this, I don't know, truthfully, I was running from the idea of you and his Hartford life. So I hid out for two weeks trying to figure out what to do, if it could work. When he realized I was gone, and no-one knew where, he searched for me. He didn't go to work, he scoured the places we'd gone together, trying to find me himself. I found out later, he hired six different private investigators, and offered a bonus which would go to the company who found me first. When he broke down the door to the hotel room I was in, and pulled me into his arms, I told him I was pregnant, blurted it out, thinking it would scare him away, but instead, he pulled a ring out of his pocket. He told me as far as he was concerned, we'd been married since the first time we'd made love. He'd had the ring for a month, and was just waiting for the right moment. And then, he told me I needed to quit showing him up because the baby made the ring pale in comparison."

"That's beautiful. No, really," Rory said, seeing Chloe's look of disbelief. "One of the best engagement stories I've heard. I'm so glad he has someone, Chloe. It's good to see him happy. Really happy, not just coasting," Rory added.

"So who's this young man next to you?" Chloe asked, embarrassed she had run off at the mouth, but she was nervous. Rory's eyes had a way of looking through you.

"This is my little brother Garret," Rory said, introducing him around the table. Already engrossed in a sketch, Garret barely nodded hello. "He gets caught up in his art, and there's a lot of good material here." The table grew quiet as Garret fleshed out the drawing, and the subject became recognizable.

"Oh, Maddie, look what he's done!" Chloe said, directing her daughter's attention to the portrait. "Can I have it?" Chloe asked.

"Yeah, here you go. It's not very good, really. Just a quick observational sketch, but she's a good subject," Garret added, finishing the lines on the little girl's bow, and tearing the paper out. "I'd really like to draw you," he said, not meeting Chloe's eyes, keeping his gaze on the table cloth. He was embarrassed to ask, but she was full of curves, and most of his subjects, were not. Chloe's look of shock had Rory laughing out loud.

"Why?" Chloe asked, and watched as the blush crept up the boy's cheeks. "Sure, I mean, you don't see someone this pregnant every day of the week, do you?" she said, trying to help cover his embarrassment. Rory gave her a grateful smile, as Garret fiddled with his pencil.

"Not at the table though, a bench would be better," Rory suggested. Chloe nodded her assent, and the group moved away from the R.V., back into the courtyard. Chloe sat on the bench with Rory and Maddie sitting in the grass a few feet away. Rory was regretting the offer to watch Maddie, what was she supposed to do to entertain a pre-schooler anyway? It had been too long since she'd babysat Lane's boys. Then she had an idea. Catching Maddie's attention, with her soft "Once upon a time," she began telling the story of a Princess in the fairytale land of Stars Hollow and the swan who grew up with her. Maddie listened, enthralled at the tale of the swan's heroic first flight. It only took a few minutes of storytelling for her to clamber up into Rory's lap and curl her body against Rory's. Rory continued her tale, even though she suspected the little one had fallen asleep.

"You should write it down. The story, Ace," Logan said from where he and Jess were standing under a tree.

"I want to publish it. Let Garret do simple illustrations like in Charlotte's Web," Jess added. His eyes were narrowed in contemplation as he watched Rory holding Maddie in her arms. There was an unexpected swirl in his gut at the sight of her cradling the sleeping child. He flashed back to the picture in his head of a little boy lying by the library fire, but this time, instead of having a little girl with bright blue eyes reading in the library window, he pictured her curled up on Rory's lap. Rory smiled at the look in his eyes, and tucked Maddie's hair behind her ear.

"I don't know, I think the target audience might have fallen asleep," she said, expanding her smile to the group. Jess nodded, swallowing hard, and leaning down, lifted the little girl into his arms. Standing, he passed Maddie to Logan.

"You have a beautiful daughter, Logan. A beautiful family," Rory said.

"Yeah, you do," Jess added, shoving his hand into his pockets.

"Thank you. So why are you guys over here anyway, when all the food is at the R.V.?" Logan asked.

"Garret wanted to draw Chloe," Rory replied, as Jess helped her to her feet. Logan looked confused, letting his now awake and squirming daughter down, but keeping hold of her hand.

"She's differently shaped," Garret said, trying to explain without embarrassing himself again. An artist should be able to look at the female body and not be embarrassed, he thought. There was something about her though, and not because she was pregnant. No, Garret added some lines to her eyes, she was beautiful. Maybe the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Her cheekbones were high, and her lips were full. Her brown eyes were huge with long lashes. Jess's stepsister, Lilly, had given Garret some art books, and Chloe's structure reminded him of some of the nudes by the old masters. He felt his cheeks grow red again, as he pictured Chloe's face in those paintings.

"I see," Logan said, narrowing his eyes at the boy, and moving to look at the picture. He could tell by the drawing the boy was attracted to his wife. Somehow, it showed in the lines, and although he knew it was ridiculous to be jealous of the kid, he didn't want to let him keep the sketch. "A hundred dollars. I'll buy the drawing from you for a hundred." Garret was shocked. No one had ever offered him money for his art before, and he didn't know what to think, or say. He glanced at Jess, who came to his side.

"Two hundred, then, and it's as high as I'll go," Logan added, when Garret didn't immediately accept, pulling out his wallet and presenting the two hundred dollar bills. Jess looked at the picture, and understanding, nodded his head at Garret.

"You can have it. You don't have to pay me. I just drew it as a study of curves," Garret said, as he carefully ripped the page out of his book and handed it to Logan.

"Nonsense, you worked hard on this. It's your creation, and it's good. Take the money, use it to buy supplies," Logan added, tucking the money into Garret's sketch book. Taking Chloe's hand, Logan led her and Maddie away.

"Did I do something wrong?" Garret asked, as he fiddled with the money. Rory shook her head no, as Jess spoke.

"Not really," he said, seeing Rory's surprised look, he tried to explain. "You're attracted to Chloe. Sexually. It showed in your sketch."

"Me? No! I'm not. What are you talking about? She's too…old," he said, trailing off and slumping his shoulders under Jess's amused and knowing look. "How? How did it show?" Garret asked, embarrassed, but curious too, because he thought he had sketched her objectively. Jess laughed, and shrugged.

"It wasn't one thing, really. She has a natural beauty, I suppose, but you made her too pretty. Her eyes were a little too big, the lashes way too long and lush. And you made her pregnancy smaller, but her breasts larger. You even made her hair prettier, fuller," Jess said.

"You drew her as you saw her, not as she actually looked," Rory added, understanding. Garret's cheeks were crimson.

"So how does that work? What I see isn't actually what I see? My brain can trick me? How can I be an artist if that happens? If I can't be objective?"

"I don't know if you should be totally objective. I mean, art isn't about recreating something exactly, that's what cameras are for, art is about emotion and perception. It was obviously her in the drawing, you just gave too much of yourself away to a man who wasn't expecting it," Rory said.

"I'd bet Logan is as protective of Chloe as I am of Rory. He didn't expect a quick sketch to show so much. If he would have shopped around for an artist, seen your work, chose you, and paid you to draw her, he would have been very happy with the finished product. Would have said the artist had even captured her inner beauty. It's why he insisted on paying you. To put you back into the 'providing me a service' box in his head which made you noticing her physical attributes acceptable," Jess added. Garret nodded his understanding.

"She is beautiful though, right?" Garret asked, still a bit confused.

"Yes, she's beautiful. Just in a different way than the females you're used to seeing. Kinda sounds like all those curves took you by surprise. I suppose it won't be long before some girl your own age gets you in her clutches. I don't think any of us are ready for you to date," Jess said, as the group walked back to the R.V. for food.

"God no! Can you imagine what it'll be like? With his height and eyes? We'll have to beat them off with a stick. Maybe we can home school him. Keep him sequestered till he's out of his teens," Rory added, only half joking as they rejoined the Gilmores.

"Yes!" Jess yelled, jumping to his feet with the rest of the crowd, as the Yale quarterback's throw was caught and successfully run in to score the winning touchdown in the last seconds of the action packed game against Harvard. Realizing how involved he'd become, he lowered his fist, and with a studied nonchalance, wrapped his arm around Rory's waist again. Looking down at her face, he realized he hadn't gotten away with anything.

"God I wish I had that on film!" Rory said, laughing. "Garret! Did you see? Jess was, dare I say it? Excited! Involved, even! In a sporting event. You will never live this down. You showed spirit, Jess. Real team spirit," Rory added, ignoring Jess's scowl. Garret was sketching as fast as he could.

"I've got it! I can redo it later, but I got the basics!" he said, showing Rory the picture of Jess, cheering, pumping his fist in the air, complete with a large toothy grin. Rory couldn't resist one last dig.

"We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit, how 'bout you?" she cheered, pointing at Jess. Growling, Jess pulled Rory into his arms, and locked his lips to hers, tightening his grip, angling his head to deepen the kiss. Breaking the kiss off, he let his forehead fall against hers.

"I'm gonna buy you a foam finger for the next game," Rory said, breathless. Jess groaned, and lowered his lips to hers again, kissing her till he felt her body slump against his. The sound of laughter brought them back to the crowd around them.

"It appears you've discovered a particularly effective way of quieting a Gilmore girl. I'll have to keep it in mind."

"Richard! You wouldn't dare!" Emily replied with a smile.

"Oh, but I would, my dear," Richard said as he pulled his wife into his arms, lowered her into a dip, and dropped a light kiss onto her lips.


	9. Chapter 9-Saturday 5:00 AM-Rory

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Nine: Saturday Five AM-Rory

Jess woke the next morning and dragged himself awake. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he watched Rory stir. She turned on her side, pulling his pillow into her chest and after a deep breath, fell back to sleep. Brushing her hair away from her face, Jess thought maybe he'd used all his good will yesterday, because he didn't think he was up to facing a diner full of townspeople this morning. Taking a few deep breaths of his own, he stood to get ready for the day, and then made a decision.

"Hey Caesar? Close the diner today. Just pull the blinds and put up the gone fishing sign. Yeah, you can call Lane, but if she can't, just close up shop for the day. Thanks," Jess said, hanging up the phone and sliding under the covers. Stealing his pillow back, he was shutting his eyes as Rory opened hers.

"Calling in sick?" she asked, snuggling up.

"Yup. Not up for it today. Think I'll just stay home and write, maybe," Jess said, pulling Rory in closer. Nodding, she wrapped her arm around his waist, tucked her head under his chin, and tried to fall asleep. Jess watched Rory, letting himself think about her as a mother. The idea of being a father. About Jimmy. About Liz. Falling backwards, he kept Rory in the crook of one arm and used the other to cover his eyes. He needed to know where Liz messed up, so he didn't follow in her path.

"What is it?" Rory asked, waiting for a shoe to drop. It had been going too well. It was time, and Rory felt Jess freeze before he slid his arm out from under her head. Not letting him withdrawal, Rory laid herself across his chest, effectively holding him in place. Jess continued to tense, narrowing his eyes, hardly breathing. Running small circles with her fingers across his chest, Rory waited. She waited as he fought through his thoughts. Waited while he relearned to breath.

"I don't want to talk about this," Jess said, gritting his teeth.

"Now, or ever?" Rory asked, waiting as Jess lay silent. "And don't you think now would be better?"

"Rory."

"Jess," Rory said, drawing his name out, knowing he wasn't going to do more than growl, not with Garret across the hall. Jess exhaled a sigh, long and loud, blowing his breath between his teeth. "Come on Jess, start with telling me your thought progression. We'll work it out together."

"I don't want children," Jess said, watching Rory pull away in surprise and sit up against the headboard. Turning on his side, Jess followed her retreat.

"You don't want children. You did though, right? I mean, we talked about it a couple of times. So I'm not imagining things. This is new. New since your mom died. This is about her."

"No, I mean, you're not wrong. You didn't let me finish, I do want to have children with you. But I can't. Not till I know."

"Come on Jess, not till you know what? That you're not Jimmy? I already know. You're not Liz? I already know. I know you, Jess," Rory said, brushing his hair out of his eyes so she could see them. Not letting him hide.

"But I don't know her. I know I'm not Jimmy. I know I wouldn't make the same choices he did. I understand why he ran. I get it, him and his motivations. I don't get her. And I need to know," Jess said, running his fingers across the top of Rory's foot.

"Then find out, find out who she was, start here in Stars Hollow, and if you need to talk to people elsewhere, I'll go with you," Rory said, moving to kneel next to her husband, holding his face between her hands. "Whatever you need, Jess. And not just because I want children, but because I want you to know. You need to know you're the man I see." Jess pulled Rory's lips to his, but didn't kiss her. He whispered, his breath warm on her lips.

"I don't know where to begin."

"I'll call Kirk while you shower. Tell him to send people who knew her here. One at a time," Rory said, kissing his lower lip before hopping out of bed. Jess followed her across the room and wrapped his arms around her waist, stopping her as she reached for her phone.

"You don't have to make the call right now. You should come back to bed," he said against her neck, before pressing his lips across her pulse, feeling it speed up under his touch. He placed his hand on her chest, her heart was racing.

"Yeah, yeah I do Jess. Because I didn't refill my prescription, and in two weeks, I'll be off the pill," Rory said, not surprised when Jess froze behind her. She was turning in his arms when he let go and backed away.

"You were going to go off without telling me?" he asked, too shocked to be angry. Rory's eyes met his for a brief second before sliding away. She dropped her head down, staring at the floor.

"I kept trying to find a way, I almost told you yesterday, when it came up, but it wasn't the place. I would have said something before we had unprotected sex."

"Are you sure about that?" Jess asked, feeling the first stirrings of anger. He wasn't so sure, sometimes, when things were hard, she'd ignore them, hoping they'd go away.

"I think so. If I didn't tell you, I would have rushed to the pharmacy and refilled my prescription before the end of my period. Then I would have started trying to bring it up again," Rory said, crossing her arms across her chest. She knew what the next question was going to be.

"How- how many months have you played this game with our lives?" Jess said, forcing his voice to be soft. No doubt about it, he was angry, on the way to being furious with her.

"Since September. I've been waiting till the last second to refill my prescription since September."

"Jesus Rory! And you couldn't bring it up? Talk to me about it? I thought we were going to wait? Enjoy us, travel together first. Now I find out you've been planning on getting pregnant for the last three months? And you couldn't find the time to talk? What the fuck, Rory!"

"I know! I just, it wasn't a matter of finding the time, Jess. It was finding the courage. Until today, I thought you'd be okay with it. I thought it would make you happy once you got used to the idea. I wasn't worried," Rory sat down. Letting the tears flow, but hiding them behind her hands, and hair. "I want a child, Jess. I want our baby. I want to have children while I'm young enough to really enjoy them. We're ready."

"I'm not."

"Yes, yes you are. You just don't realize it yet, but you are. You'll be a great father, Jess, an incredible one. I've seen you with Garret, and Doula. Even Gigi, who you have nothing in common with! You're ready, you just don't know it," Rory said, sobbing out the last, looking up, watching Jess's face grow pale. Letting him see her tears. Rory watched as he shut his eyes. She could tell he was gritting his teeth, by the clenching of his jaw. "Jess?" she asked, as he spun away from her, toward the master bath. Stopping, he forced himself to relax his body, but he didn't turn to face her.

"Here's what's going to happen now," he said into the quiet room. "You are going to refill your prescription for the next three months. No more playing chicken with the pharmacist or Russian roulette with our lives. I am going to meet with the townspeople, try to figure out Liz. After I do that, and processed what I've learned, what I know, then, you and I are going to sit down and talk about the possibility of bringing a child into this world. But before it can happen, any of it, I need to be able to trust you. To be in this relationship with me, because it's a relationship, not a Rory-verse."

Rory watched as Jess marched into the bathroom and slammed the door. Wrapping her arms around her legs, hugging herself, she felt equal amounts of relief and terror.

In the bathroom, Jess stripped out of his boxers, wrenched the shower on, turning the water temperature up to the point of almost being uncomfortable, and sank down against the tiles. Letting the water cascade over his body, he replayed the events of the last few minutes in his head, before thinking about the last few months. There were signs. He should have picked up on them, but it was easy to attribute them to other things. Easy to write them off. And he wondered. He wondered what would happen to them if he couldn't be a father.

**A/N- A brief stop in Colorado, before returning to Stars Hollow for a couple of chapters. I'm trying to walk a fine line here with Liz between the Liz on the show and the Liz in my universe. Hopefully I'm successful. Let me know in a review. Thank you to RhizOneill, merdarkand twisty, Scarlet3086, ladypuercoloco, ZaZa zoom, Bails1115, TigerTV15 and of course, lost0and0found, and Iscah Mckrae for their reviews and thoughts. You reviewers are the reason this story will be posted till complete.**


End file.
